back to being me :)

as i mentioned in the begining of this brief, i am the complete opposite of morose and dark. i have always been known as the bubbley, innocent girl, who always has a smile on her face. so this transformation for me was completely out of my comfort zone. i mean, even something as minor as wearing only black made me feel unlike myself. so going from friendly blondie to emo goth wasn't easy, hence the occasional cheat (hehe). it was strange how self concious i got. people would tell me that i don't look all that different and the change isn't too hectic, but to me i felt not at all like the rachel i know. this project really did make me realise how people's outer appearance completely dictates their behaviour. i would never have thought that it would affect me, but it did. i never really thought of myself as someone who hold appearance highly. yes, of course i like to present myself nicely and look good when i can, but i never put that much thought or effort into it. i have now learnt that expression of who each and every one of us are is so important, and through what we wear and how we behave is the main indication. i think im going to enjoy going back to myself, my "old" habits, my "old" way of expressing myself. i've missed being me. but now appreciate it so much more.

gothics revealed.

so after being emo/goth for two weeks, i have seemed to have learnt quite a bit. the research i did extended from computer research (google, wikipedia, etc.) and chatting to some well informed goth people. the goth culture means a variety of things to different memebers of the community. it is a community that has been around for 100's of years, and has transformed over time. many goths adopt their own unique styles in order to differentiate themselves, as goths usually dispise conformity. being an individual through and through is definately a goal. the common aspects of all these goth individuals could include their music taste (usually heavy metal/rock music), their taste in art and literature, their liking of extreme black clothing, contrast of both light and dark heavily applied make-up, body piercings, unusual hair styles, a common fascination of medievil or Victorian times and their tendancy to wear christian symbols, such as the cross. their nature is commonly non-violent, passive and tolerant, which can be often misconstrued as morbid and unfriendly, almost socially scary. they often seem sullen, withdrawn when in the public eye. they usually feel much more comfortable around fellow goths and tend to let loose a bit more.


one reseracher, Jasin Tamline, commented: "If you take a look at the 640 sites that are listed on the gothic web ring, you will find many of them filled with desperation, depression, anger, hatered, dispair and angst." This proves the mentality of the gothic culture and how they view the world around them. they try to find a different way of looking at life and usually this involves a common fascination with death. they try to find beauty in life, pain, death, and continue the quest for immortality. to me this is amazing. because i am the complete opposite in my views and opinions, trying to get into the mind set of a goth has been rather challenging, but at the same time extremely eye opening. many goths feel alienated by the public, as they don't conform to the general consensus of modern day society. being alienated from society could also be a reason for some people to join the gothic community.


another aspect that encompasses the gothic community is that of religion. very often goths are immediately associated with satanism, violence, white supremacy and intolerance. all of these are however misconceptions. there are a variety of beliefs amoung goths, some are satanists, but others are christian and are simply pulled into the "evil" category due to the stigma people have against goths. this once again shows how exterior dictates to the naive. peope are so quick to believe what they hear and jump to conclusions based on what they see. this is how stereotypes are formed.


i've realised through out this project how simple minded some people can be (including myself some of the time). becoming more open minded is something i strive toward (as cheesey as it may sound). i think everyone diserves a chance to be seen for who they are, not stereotyped into what people think they are.




here are some quotes that i find inspiring (from a goths point of view):

"... being Goth, for me, is seeing beauty, and it's coming destruction, at the same time. For me... It's the last dance as the walls are crumbling around you..." Beatgrrl.

"(Goth) is the ability to find the art where the art seems to be lacking; to find the light in the darkness and embrace it for all it's worth..." Jennifer Mason.


reference: google. www.religioustolerence.org/goth.htm

important exterior

this brief is slowly coming to a close now. tomorrow is the last day i experience life as my opposite. i must admit, getting colour back into my dress code is hwta i look forwad to the most. can't believe how much clothing and exterior elements affect how people behave. although i didn't dabel very far into the gothic culture, i did however try to immitate their general attire for two weeks. some reactions were a bit strange (funny, suspicious looks) but over all people didn't really seem to notice me more than they did before. i however was very aware of my exterior change. i felt like a different person some of the time, and became very conscious of how i looked. i never realised before how much appearance actually affects people, personally. it seems almost too superficial. but i now know first hand that how we dress does make a difference, not neccessarily to others but mainly to ourselves.

bleet sheep bleet

ok... so due to a few computer complications (my cap running out, dammit!) i have been unable to blog for the past few days. so now, catch up time :)

still all in black i roam cape town trying to find out what life is like in a emo/gothic girl's shoes. doing this however has made me become more recluse than i was before. although i've never been the loudest most outspoken girl in the world, i still consider myself to be quite friendly around others, always greeting and smiling at people. since this project began though, i started to feel less like myself and have backed away from my usual way of living. i haven't really gone out as much, besides seeing a movie with some friends and a few small gatherings, otherwise i've found myself staying at home. it's strange because i haven't really changed THAT much about my appearance that i should feel insecure about, yet in actual fact i do! it's not that i think i look bad, i just don't feel myself. and i think this is the most important thing this project has made me realise. a person's appearance is just an expression of who they are, not necessarily a trend or fashion statement. conforming, i think, is something the insecure do. sticking to a set of formalities or guidelines, telling you what to wear, how to behave is something that people who haven't discovered themselves become drawn toward. or maybe people are too afraid to discover themselves, or express that discovery, due to the big ol' fear of judgement thing. media, over the years, has tried to make us all into sheep, all for very good reasons of course. firstly selling a trend to a mass audience ensures a better chance that it will succeed. everyone likes to feel like they belong to something, and in order to belong one must follow a common trend. in our critical studies module, one of the readings mentions the 'power of the norm'. this to me is really interesting. people love to call themselves individual. unique. one of a kind. but then why are these same people so inclined to jump on the trend bandwagon? in the reading, which is an extract from Discipline and Punish by Foucault, it explains how the Norm works by ranking individuals, demanding the recognition and isolation of these individuals, while demanding a homogeneous norm that all these disciplined individuals are trained to conform to. in simpler terms, the norm that is created controls behaviour, as it makes people feel part of something, makes them belong. it fills a need. 

No matter how we look at it, trends will always be made, but they never last long. basing who you are around a trend just seems fickle. it can only last so long. finding an identity is important. like for me, during this project, i have discarded my identity (temporarily) and it has made me feel uneasy, uncomfortable almost. i don't feel myself and therefore don't act like myself. i almost feel lost, even though this transformation hasn't been all that drastic. this proves how the smallest thing still makes up who you are. and when you lose even that small aspect of yourself, it still makes a difference.

reference: critical studies, module 4: the body. pg 60. (Foucault, 1979: 184)  

   

to conform or not to conform, that is the question

"con+form+ity. or con+form+ance. - compliance in actions, behaviour, etc. with certain accepted standards or norms. correspondence or likeness in form or appearance."

so conformity, its a term that seems to be thrown around a lot in society lately.the outer shell has become something media has glorified. beauty is in the eye of the beholder has kinda changed into beauty is what magazines and tv tells us it is. society has become shallow, wether we like it or not. people are judged by their appearance, the book is judged by it cover. period. stereotypes have been formed by people for people. sad i know, how one minded people can be, but if we all stop and think about it, we realsie, what's the big deal? yes being shallow and judgemental isnt exactly a moral quality to have, but unfortunately to some extent its in all of us. wether its how we grew up, surrounded by media conformists, or wether we just couldn't care less, everyone usese their appearance to show who they are. many stereotypes are based around the appearance factor. perfect example, my new persona, a goth emo girl. for the past week i have transformed into my opposite. and yes, iv gotten a response. my appearance changed from bright colours, light make up and blonde locks, to black clothes and darker features. i can see people judging me when im dressed up. they look at me as if i have issues, that im "dark and weird". but im not. not at all. and yes i may be faking the exterior for the purpose of this project, but the real stereotype (goth/emo) may just dress that way because they want to. people put so much onto outer appearance that conclusions are jumped to, judgements are made. unneccessarily. im not trying to preech and tell everyone who reads this to remove their judgemental thoughts, that would just be silly (cause it would never actually happen), my point is however, that human kind is so so closed minded. sometimes we all just need to give each other a break. who cares what you wear, if that's what you wanna look like and thats how you want to represent yourself, than good for you for being honest with the world. instead of conforming, to something you've been told is you. so after this project is done, i will go back to me, how i want to present myself, without fear of judgement.

eye make up remover in desperate need!

went to see a movie tonight in my new black attire, at cavendish of all places! experienced a few strange looks from some onlookers. at least my friends made me feel a little less self conscious. i think if i was alone, i might've felt about the size of a pea :) but have made a plan with my friends to venture to obz (observatory) next week. might not feel so "out of place" there.
its strange how such a small alteration to my appearance, such as wearing darker make up and darker clothes have made me feel different. not bad not good, just different. dont really feel myself. the darkness seems to be taking over a little.
removing the make up at the end of the day is becoming slightly tedious. not owning proper eye make up remover before entering this brief is definately fault on my part. my mother really isnt too impressed with the dark smudges on the towls. guess this brief will start spreading to laundry duty too.

so my attempt at emo/goth girl didn't quite get the recognition i might need for this social experiment. i'll just have to step it up a notch. tomorrow = darker make up, less smiles and more black clothes! still gotta get my hands on a black wig though.
and next week, an extra piercing perhaps? watch this space.
emo-ness here i come!
(oh dear)