ok... so due to a few computer complications (my cap running out, dammit!) i have been unable to blog for the past few days. so now, catch up time :)still all in black i roam cape town trying to find out what life is like in a emo/gothic girl's shoes. doing this however has made me become more recluse than i was before. although i've never been the loudest most outspoken girl in the world, i still consider myself to be quite friendly around others, always greeting and smiling at people. since this project began though, i started to feel less like myself and have backed away from my usual way of living. i haven't really gone out as much, besides seeing a movie with some friends and a few small gatherings, otherwise i've found myself staying at home. it's strange because i haven't really changed THAT much about my appearance that i should feel insecure about, yet in actual fact i do! it's not that i think i look bad, i just don't feel myself. and i think this is the most important thing this project has made me realise. a person's appearance is just an expression of who they are, not necessarily a trend or fashion statement. conforming, i think, is something the insecure do. sticking to a set of formalities or guidelines, telling you what to wear, how to behave is something that people who haven't discovered themselves become drawn toward. or maybe people are too afraid to discover themselves, or express that discovery, due to the big ol' fear of judgement thing. media, over the years, has tried to make us all into sheep, all for very good reasons of course. firstly selling a trend to a mass audience ensures a better chance that it will succeed. everyone likes to feel like they belong to something, and in order to belong one must follow a common trend. in our critical studies module, one of the readings mentions the 'power of the norm'. this to me is really interesting. people love to call themselves individual. unique. one of a kind. but then why are these same people so inclined to jump on the trend bandwagon? in the reading, which is an extract from Discipline and Punish by Foucault, it explains how the Norm works by ranking individuals, demanding the recognition and isolation of these individuals, while demanding a homogeneous norm that all these disciplined individuals are trained to conform to. in simpler terms, the norm that is created controls behaviour, as it makes people feel part of something, makes them belong. it fills a need.
No matter how we look at it, trends will always be made, but they never last long. basing who you are around a trend just seems fickle. it can only last so long. finding an identity is important. like for me, during this project, i have discarded my identity (temporarily) and it has made me feel uneasy, uncomfortable almost. i don't feel myself and therefore don't act like myself. i almost feel lost, even though this transformation hasn't been all that drastic. this proves how the smallest thing still makes up who you are. and when you lose even that small aspect of yourself, it still makes a difference.
reference: critical studies, module 4: the body. pg 60. (Foucault, 1979: 184)
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